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HELEN (1938 MISS DOG AMERICA PAGEANT TITLE HOLDER) HAD PACKED ON A COUPLE POUNDS FOLLOWING... (BUT... SCREW EM)... SHE HAD CONVINCED HERSELF SHE DIDN'T CARE...

AND TO IGNORE THE POUNDS, AND PROVIDE SUPPORT TO HER CONVICTION SHE DIDN'T CARE... SHE WOULD JUST SNEAK HERSELF A NUT - NOW AND THEN - AT THE NUT FARM WHERE SHE WORKED...

AND AS POOR HELEN'S POUNDS INCREASED, SO DID HELEN'S "GAS"... AND ONE MORNING, FOLLOWING THE DAY BEFORE... (DURING WHICH SHE HAD SNUCK A RECORD)... HELEN LET A BIG WET FART AND HAD TO CHANGE HER PANTS...

UH HUH - THAT'S RIGHT... SHE SURE DID...